Who Are THEY, Anyway?
For some reason I drive my kids to school. I'm not sure why I do it - the school bus stop is only a short walk up the street. Yet I drive them in each day regardless of the weather conditions. Maybe it provides and incentive for this work-from-home dad to get out of bed in the morning, when sleeping late is always so tempting. Or maybe it's because it allows us a few minutes each day to actually have a conversation without a TV or an iPod jamming the signal.
At any rate, after I dropped them off this morning I turned on the radio and heard someone (it could have been an ad) say the following: "They say it's not bragging if it's true". I thought about that for a minute before deciding that "THEY" - whoever they are - have it all wrong. I say "If it's true it's bragging, and if it's false it's bullsh**".
Having reached that conclusion, I then set out to compile a list of other things that "THEY" say, along with my responses. Here's what I've come up with so far:
- THEY SAY "You get what you pay for". I SAY "This is why I don't go to tag sales".
- THEY SAY "You can't judge a book by its cover". I SAY "At a minimum you have to read the front inside flap".
- THEY SAY "Either you're in, or you're out". I SAY "In terms of the postseason, the Red Sox are in and the Yankees are out" (yes, I'm a Red Sox fan).
- THEY SAY "Lightning never strikes twice". I SAY "Wrong. How else can you explain Manny Ramirez's hair?".
- THEY SAY "It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings". I SAY "She's singing now for the Yankees - their season and their ballpark".
- THEY SAY "Too much of anything is bad for you". I SAY "Wrong. You can never have too much pitching".
- THEY SAY "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem". I SAY "After 3 weeks we still don't know where Matt Cassel fits into this equation".
- THEY SAY "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". I SAY "Hmmm, I wonder where THEY think babies come from".
- THEY SAY "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". I SAY "Okay, they got this one right".
- THEY SAY "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". I SAY "Yet another reason not to vote for McCain".
- THEY SAY "Make love, not war". I SAY "That's a much better military policy than don't ask, don't tell".
- THEY SAY "A rolling stone gathers no moss". I SAY "THEY haven't seen recent photos of Mick and Keith".
- Speaking of the Stones - THEY SAY "You can't always get what you want". I SAY "If you believe the ads, Viagra goes a long way toward solving that problem".
- THEY SAY "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". I SAY "just make sure you've lined up a good divorce attorney".
- THEY SAY "Jeremiah was a bullfrog". I SAY "Either I missed the metaphor, or THEY had a bit too much of that mighty fine wine".
- THEY SAY "In-a-gadda-da-vida". I SAY "Those are lyrics only a 60's-era rock-n-roll drummer can truly appreciate".
Okay, so that's my list. If you can think up any good ones, send them to me and I'll start compiling a new list to be published sometime next year. Anyway, that's enough of this silly stuff. I have to go pick-up the kids at school now.
-DanD

